


Insufferable Doubts

by NightwingsAngel



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-10 21:34:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10448049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightwingsAngel/pseuds/NightwingsAngel
Summary: Magnus is throwing one of his wildly famous parties and Alec, of course, is in attendance. The shadowhunter has been putting a lot of effort into their relationship lately and into snuffing out the demons of insecurity that lurk within his mind. However, when he over hears a group of guests whispering about how he doesn't belong at Magnus' side those demons get the upperhand. He retreats from the party in hopes of fighting them off but ends up getting help from Izzy for if he can't truly believe that he is enough for Magnus at least he can make everyone believe he believes he is. Right?





	1. Insufferable Doubts

The party was loud and boisterous, just like it’s host. It was all glitter and neon lights that swept over a darkened dance floor, which use to be the host’s living room. Tables, were set out around the area, offering an array of both magical and non-magical drinks and appetizers. Alec had come to expect nothing less of Magnus’ parties. Yet, no matter how many of the events he went to he still always felt out of place.

                With his all black attire and his rune covered skin, Alec was nothing like the guests that frequented his boyfriend’s parties. The guests were colorful, charismatic, and flirtatious. They were confident, ego-centric beings who could command any room they walked into. There was an unearthly aura to each of them. An aura that came with the downworlder title.  Fairies, werewolves, vampires, sirens, witches, and warlocks all gathered at Magnus’ parties and each one of them were alluring in a way that Alec, himself, could never hope to be.

                At Magnus’ last party, he’d overheard a couple of vampires talking about him and how out of place he looked when standing next to Magnus. He knew what he looked like standing next to the brilliant rainbow that was his boyfriend. He was just a shadow, a shade, compared to the other man. Yet, hearing it had hurt. He’d been trying so hard to move past his insecurities in order to make Magnus happy, he’d pushed the issue he had with his own mortality aside in order to insure that they could have a happy relationship, but now he was standing in front of a mirror doubting every detail of his face.

                “You don’t belong next to him,” Alec spoke to his reflection. His blue eyes stared back at him, their gaze partially blocked by the raven strands that fell in front of them. He’d put effort into his appearance that night. He’d worn a sweater without holes in it and a pair of un scuffed shoes. His jeans practically looked new and he’d worn a silver necklace he’d had laying around because he knew Magnus liked jewelry, but it hadn’t been enough. He still looked too normal, to real to be at the party. He should have asked Izzy for help or worn some of the clothes Magnus had purchased for him, even though he swore he’d never wear them because they weren’t his style. That was the problem though. Magnus was style incarnated and he, he was just plain old, unstylish Alec.

                “Alec, there you are, big brother,” Izabella’s smile was as blinding as her dress when she opened the door to Alec and Magnus’ room. She waltzed into the room with the same confidence as the party goers outside it and Alec found himself envying her. It was just him in the room, and yet he still felt like her presence outshined all others. What he wouldn’t give to have that kind of command of a room.

                “Hey, Izzy,” the smile Alec gave his sister was tight, forced, and he knew before she frowned that she’d be able to tell that he hadn’t escaped the living room for a bathroom break like he’d told their friends he had.

                “Magnus has been looking for you,” Izzy stated but her smile had slipped from her face as her eyes roamed over her brother’s posture. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, his shoulders were slumped, and his head was slightly bowed. The smile he wore was too fake. She pursed her cherry red lips and pushed her long dark hair over her shoulder as she approached him.  “What’s wrong? I thought you were past hiding out in here during Magnus’ parties.”

                “So did I,” Alec grumbled.

                “Hey, hey, hey,” Izzy was quick to pull her brother into a hug. “What happened? Alec?”

                “It’s nothing.”

                “Don’t lie to me.”

                “I’m not,” Alec attempted to turn his back on his sister.

                “You wouldn’t be in here staring heatedly at your reflection if it was nothing,” the younger Lightwood stated. “You know I’ll get the truth out of you eventually. If you don’t tell me then I’ll just go Magnus and…”

                “No!” Alec’s eyes widened at the idea of Magnus being pulled away from his vibrant guests and the pounding bass of his stereo system to deal with Alec’s petty problems. He’d just be wasting Magnus’ time. Besides, he knew what the warlock would say.

                _“You’re not trivial, Alexander. You’re beautiful, Alexander. I’ll curse whoever made you doubt yourself, Alexander.”_

Magnus was always so supportive and that almost made Alec’s insecurities worse. He tried so hard to believe the things that Magnus told him. He tried to _believe_ that he wasn’t trivial, he tried to _believe_ that he was beautiful, but people kept talking about how he didn’t belong with Magnus and he already believed _that_ so it was easy for his insecurities to take root. He used to voice his concerns to his glittery warlock, but the longer they went on the more he felt like he was just burdening the other man. Surly Magnus could only tell him he was important and beautiful so many times before he grew tired of quieting the demons that lurked in the shadowhunter’s mind. So, he increasingly kept his thoughts, his doubts, to himself.

                “No,” Alec all but whispered to his sister as he thought about how sad Magnus’s eyes would look if he were to find out what had kept Alec holed up in their bedroom for the last hour. “Don’t get Magnus. He can’t know. It’ll make him sad. He hates it when I get this way. It’s like I suck all joy out of him when I do.”

                “What are you talking about?”

                “They, out there at that party, the guests were talking about me. They said things that were true and I just…I got lost in thought. I should have just pushed the whispers away, but they got inside my brain and I can’t stop thinking about them.”

                “What did they say?” Izzy prompted and when her brother made no move to answer her she continued, “Alec? What did the guests say to you?”

                “No _to_ me. _About_ me,” Alec corrected. “They said that I was too plain. That they didn’t understand why Magnus was with me. That I wasn’t pretty or flirty enough for him. They were making bets, Izzy. Bets about how long it’d be before he dumped me and moved on to someone better.”

                “Oh, Alec. You can’t listen to them. They’re just jealous.”

                “Maybe, but they’re right. I’m not pretty or flirty. I tried to seduce Magnus last week and you know what happened? I fell of the desk, cracked my elbow open, and he had to fix a gash on my forehead. And look at me! I wore _this_ to his party. _This_! I don’t even know what I was thinking. I should have worn something else. I should have let him play dress up with me like he wanted to.”

                Isabell was silent for a moment before she glanced at the closet and then at Alec. “I don’t think you’re as appalling as you think, but, if you want, we can play dress up now. You’re already handsome, but I can add some glitter to those eyes and find you a nicer outfit if it’d make you feel better.”

                “You’d do that? But shouldn’t be getting back out to the party? Simon will be looking for you.”

                “Simon can wait. You’re more important right now. So, what do you say, big brother? Be my Barbie doll?”

                The older lightwood swallowed hard and thought about what Magnus’ expression might be if he returned to the party all dolled up. He bet Magnus would smile. He bet the warlock would wrap a long tan arm around him and keep him close the rest of the night. Maybe Izzy would be able to make him look good enough that even the guests would go silent and he could pretend that he had never heard their whispered words.

                “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be your doll. Make me look pretty.”


	2. The Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec returns to the party dolled up and ready to find Magnus, but an encounter with a vampire makes things turn in a way he didn't expect.

****Pretty was not a word Alec ever thought to apply to himself. Handsome? Maybe. Dashing? He’d been called that a few times. But pretty? He’d always thought words like pretty and beautiful applied more to Magnus than him. He was too rugged to be pretty. His skin too scared by battle and his posture too stiff. He was nothing like Magnus, who seemed to glide across the floor when he walked and had a hundred different smiles, which meant a hundred different things. His own walk was clunky and awkward. Sometimes it was even clumsy. Magnus was natural grace. Alec was natural…gravity? Natural clumsiness? Natural, failure? He wasn’t sure what he was, but whatever force that propelled him into existence had created him with all the charm of a shifty salamander. Awkward was the only word he knew fit him perfectly.

                Which was why he found himself staring wide eyed his reflection once Isabell had finished her makeover on him.  He could hardly believe that the person in the mirror was him. He didn’t look that way. The person he was looking at was almost beautiful. It couldn’t be him. Yet, he’d been painfully present while his sister had outlined those blue eyes with a charcoal pen. He’d sat down and grimaced as she rubbed product into his hair. Hell, he’d even willingly taken off his jeans -which he’d already thought to be tight -for an even tighter pair.

                “Magnus is going to be shell shocked when he sees you,” Isabell’s grinning face was beside Alec’s in the mirror. “Just look at you. You look so pretty, Alec.”

                Gently, for he was afraid of disturbing the makeup his sister had worked so hard on, he raised the pads of his fingers to his face and allowed them to glide over its smooth surface. Really, she hadn’t done much with the makeup that had been scattered all over Magnus’ vanity. Alec had thought for sure she was going to put glitter on him, or maybe that horrible neon green lip-gloss, but she’d kept it simple.

                Isabell had applied a foundation to his face, though it hadn’t been one from Magnus’s vanity. All of Magnus’s foundation had been too dark for Alec to use, so she’d used her own from her purse. Then she’d moved on to a pinkish pencil that was roughly the size of his thumb in diameter. She’d used the pencil to draw lines around his lips.

                “To plump them,” she had said and lip-gloss came next.

                A shiny, light pinkish gloss was spread across his lips. Then came the charcoal around his eyes and the gunky black mascara she’s painted his lashes with.

                “Let’s skip the eyeshadow. I don’t think you need it,” Isabell had said as she finished up her brother’s makeup. “We should do something with your hair though. Here, let me just put some gel in it. We’ll rough it up a bit. Give you a bed head look.”

                “I thought you were helping me look good,” Alec had remarked. “If I wanted to look like I just rolled out of bed I would have taken a nap.”

                Izzy had snickered at that, but she’d spread a dollop of goop on her hands before running her fingers through Alec’s hair in a soft, violent action.

                Truthfully, the makeup had been the easy part. Alec had let Magnus do his makeup before, so sitting through his sister’s attempt at it had felt like nothing when compared to the array of clothes that had been thrown at him afterwards.

                “You have all these clothes that Magnus bought you, but you never wear them. Honestly, big brother, if you’d just allow your warlock to dress you, you’d be one of the most fashionable men in New York Maybe even the country.”

                A pair of tight black jeans was thrown at Alec and he caught them midair, only to look down at them in shock. There were large gaping holes on the legs. Was that really considered fashion? Would Magnus really want him walking out there with holey jeans on?

                A blue shirt was thrown at him next. Then a leather jacket, a belt, and a pair of boots.

                “Put those on,” Izzy had instructed and Alec had left the room to do as she’d said.

                Now, here he was, standing in front of the mirror of his and Magnus’s bedroom, unable to recognize himself. The shirt Izzy had chosen for him was the exact same hue as his eyes and it spread across his chest in an alluring way. Likewise, the leather jacket accented his shoulders. The jeans were much too tight for Alec’s liking, but he had to admit that they made his ass look good. The way the hems of the jeans bunched around his black combat boots, also carried a strange allure to it. The necklace he’d chosen to wear earlier that night was still around his neck. Dangling over the shirt and glinting beneath the light of the bedroom.

                “Wow, Izzy…just, wow,” Alec leaned closer to the mirror. “I look…”

                “Hot,” Izzy beamed. “Magnus won’t be able to keep his hands off you.”

                Alec grinned as he imagined the surprise that would fill Magnus’ eyes when he saw him. Maybe there’d even be lust there too. Maybe Magnus would end the party and ravish him all night. He’d be okay with that. More than okay with it, actually. It’d been awhile since they’d done anything physical and for the past week he’d been lying awake, staring at Magnus, while wondering how his boyfriend would react to being woken up by having Alec straddle him.

                It wasn’t that they were distancing themselves from each other on purpose. They’d just been incredibly busy. Alec was always in some meeting at the institute, or on patrol, and Magnus had been busy with a very important client. The two times Alec had attempted to cut patrol short so he could make it home in time before Magnus went to bed, he’d ended up falling asleep alone in their bed as he waited for the warlock to get done working on a potion in his study.

                To say that Alec wouldn’t mind if his appearance provoked Magnus would be an understatement. In fact, he was rather hoping for it.

                “Are you ready?” Izzy asked and Alec shook himself from his thoughts to find her already at the bedroom door. “I think we’ve kept Magnus waiting long enough and he really was looking for you before I came in here.”

                Alec didn’t bother with a verbal response. He swallowed hard, wiped his hands on his jeans, and took a shaky breath before nodding and following his sister out of the bedroom.

                Blaring music caused the walls of the apartment to shake and neon lights danced off the glitter that covered the floor. Alec shuffled his way down the hall and lost sight of Isabell once they entered the living room. She’d gone right. He’d frozen in place.

                When he’d left Magnus, with the excuse to use the bathroom, the warlock had been by the drink table. Now he was no where to be seen. Which really wasn’t surprising for Magnus fluttered from one guest to the next at his parties as easily as a butterfly flying from one flower to another. His boyfriend could be anywhere.

                “Shit,” Alec mumbled to himself as he squinted against the glaring lights and the darkness they cut through.  He tried to look around the dancing bodies and ignore the ones pressed together against the walls and in the chairs. Still, he didn’t see Magnus anywhere. He did spot Jace and Clary by the front door, though. So he headed over there.

                Clary was laughing and Jace had just been about to take a drink from the swirling drink in his hand when Alec clasped him on the shoulder.

                “Hey, have you seen Magnus?” Alec asked.

                Both Jace and Clary’s eyes visibly took Alec’s new appearance in and Alec saw Clary try to hide a smile behind her own glass of multi-colored liquid. Jace, however, raised a brow and said, “Bro?”

                “Forget it,” Alec shook his head and was about to return to searching the crowd when Clary said, “I saw him talking to a farie near the kitchen. I think he was looking for you. He’s been slowly making his way across the room since you disappeared an hour ago.”

                “Thank you,” was all Alec said before he was headed towards the kitchen.

                The kitchen was certainly occupied when Alec got to it, but none of those mulling around were his sparkly boyfriend.

                “It shouldn’t be this hard to find him,” the shadowhunter muttered to himself. “He’s a like a walking disco ball with all that glitter he wears.”

                “Alexander?” a voice that Alec was intimately familiar with sounded from his left and he turned to spot Magnus coming towards him.

                The warlock was dressed the same as he had been at the beginning of the party, which came as no shock to Alec, but the sight of him still took the shadowhunter's breath away. A tight, neon green, tank top clung to Magnus' chest in just the right way. Accenting the lean muscles beneath it. His pants were a pair of purple jeans that were almost as tight as Alec's own and were pretending to be held up by the unneeded glittery purple belt laced through it's loops. Bangles decorated the warlock's wrists and rings graced his ears. His eyes, the green-gold cat eyes that Alec had fallen in love with, blinked beneath the glitter coating them as a tan hand reached up to push part of the purple and green streaked strands that had fallen into his face off his forehead.

                “Hey Mags,” Alec offered the warlock a smile but the worry line that’d formed between the other man’s eyebrows still remained present.

                “Alexander, I had begun to wonder if you’d fallen into the toilet,” Magnus’ tone was light and joking, but his eyes raked over Alec’s form in confusion.

                “Sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

                “Mmm,” Magnus hummed and tugged at the hem of Alec’s jacket. “And what’s this about? I bought you this jacket four months ago and you are just now wearing it. In fact, didn’t I buy you those jeans when we went to Britain last spring? You never wear these clothes. Alexander? What is going on?”

                “Can’t a guy dress up a little?” the shadowhutner tried to make himself sound as carefree as Magnus normally did but the laugh he gave was strained.

                “Hmmm,” Magnus hummed again.

                With the snap of his fingers and a few blue sparks, Magnus had conjured a glass of champagne for himself and Alec found that he was now holding one as well.

                “Walk with me, darling,” Magnus instructed and Alec almost grinned as he felt the Warlock’s free hand occupy his lower back.

                Magnus begun to slowly guide Alec across the room and towards the hallway. Multiple guests called out for the warlock’s attention along the way, but Magnus waved them off. One guest, a vampire, stepped directly into their path with a sickly sweet smile and Alec recognized him as one of the guests that’d said he didn’t belong by Magnus’ side.

                “Magnus!” the vampire beamed with his fangs on full display. “My, what has happened to your Nephilim?”

                Alec squirmed as the vamp’s stare slid over his body. The downworlder’s eyes darkened and when he took a step closer, Alec took a step back. Magnus’s grip on his lower back tightened. The warlock’s hand slid around to his side and drew Alec closer to him until the shadowhunter was pressed against his side.

                “Dominic,” Magnus’ tone was dull. Like he was bored and the vampire talking to him was only boring him more.

                “He didn’t look this…appetizing, earlier,” Dominic’s grin was seriously starting to creep Alec out and the pause he’d given before finding the adjective he’d been searching for made Alec’s skin crawl.

                “Dominic,” this time Alec heard the warning in Magnus’ voice and he wondered how the vampire missed it as the creature just kept talking.

                “That ass and those eyes. I didn’t understand what you saw in this human, but now I do. He’s quite the specimen, Bane.”

                Magnus’ hand clenched around his glass and Alec swore he could hear the warlock grinding his teeth as he said, “That’s enough Dominic.”

                “Ah, pity he'll only live for so long. Are you planning on keeping him for the duration of his short life? Maybe when you’re done with him, you can share. I wouldn’t mind having your seconds if they come in those jeans…and with those eyes. Such a masterpiece.”

                “Fuck. Off.”

                “Relax, Bane, I’m just having a little fun. No harm done. Ain’t that right, little angel,” Dominic brushed a set of pale knuckles against the side of Alec’s face.

                The shadowhunter barely had time to register the skin on skin contact before the vampire was howling out in pain and Magnus had the creature’s hand twisted away from Alec. The glass Magnus had previously been holding had disappeared and, instead, he was using that hand to hold a rope of magic around the vamp’s neck.

                “Get. Out. Of. My home,” Magnus growled out, “and if you so much as dare to touch Alexander again...no! If you so much as think about, look at, or speak to him again, I will personally drive a stake trough your rotted old heart. You got that?”

                When the vampire only swallowed in response, Magnus twisted his wrist even tighter and growled out, “I said, do you got that?”

                “Yes!” Dominic finally wailed and Magnus released him, only to let him flee from the apartment.

                Alec let out a breath he hadn’t even known he’d been holding and realized that the party that had been going on around them had grown quiet. Magnus glanced around at the guests, his eyes stopping only briefly on his and Alec’s friends, before he snapped his fingers and all of the party decorations disappeared.

                “Party’s over. Get the fuck out,” Magnus commanded and in a stampede everyone but their friends left.

                Jace, Clary, Izzy, and Simon hung around just long enough to say a proper good bye to Alec and Magnus before leaving and as soon as the door shut behind them Alec found himself pinned to a wall.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is seriously the longest sex scene I've ever written and I probably could have made it last longer if I really wanted to. 
> 
> Not edited, so forgive any mistakes. I literally just finished writing it. My fingers are actually cramping from rushing to get this finished before going to work on another fiction.

Magnus’ golden cat eyes stared down into the blue depths of Alec’s own eyes. His dark, styled hair didn’t budge as he leaned over the shadowhunter. His tall, lean frame blocked Alec in, his forearms rested flat against the wall on either side of Alec’s head, and his smile was dangerous.

                Alec found himself gulping as one of Magnus’ hands trailed down the side of his face. Perfectly painted, manicured nails lightly scrapped across the shorter male’s cheek.

                “Alexander,” Magnus’ voice was a purr when he spoke and it sent a shiver down Alec’s spine.

                “Magnus,” Alec choked on his own voice when Magnus leaned in closer. They were so close that their hips were practically aligned and Alec could feel the heat radiating off the warlock’s body. Before he could get out another word, Magnus closed the gap between them and Alec found his lips suddenly occupied.

                The shadowhunter let out a whine that left his face feeling heated as his warlock didn’t waste time on chasteness. The kiss was rough, frantic, and consisted of mostly teeth and tongue. His head hit the wall as he threw it back when Magnus pushed his tongue roughly against his own. The two muscles wrapped around each other, sucking on each other, and drew sounds from Alec that he was sure he’d never made before.

                “Magnus!” Alec gasped when the warlock finally permitted him a moment of breath as he moved on to sucking a dark mark on his neck, just beneath his ear.

                Magnus’ only response was to hum as he nipped at the tender flesh he’d been sucking on.

                Alec’s hands moved to grip Magnus’ shoulders. His fingers clutched the neon green fabric of the other man’s shirt so tightly that he was sure he’d have to apologize later for accidently ripping it. His arms seemed confused on what to do. Half of him was trying to pull Magnus closer to him, the other half was trying to push him away so he could get some kind of reason for the warlock’s current behavior. That second half was slowly diminishing as his body began to not care about the why surrounding Magnus’ actions but rather about what the warlock was doing.

                “Alexander,” Alec’s name was a rumble in Magnus’ chest as he licked over the tender, bruising mark he’d left on his lover’s neck. The combination of his voice and his tongue over that dark spot pulled a whimper from his lover.

                “Mags,” Alec almost sobbed, “What…”

                “Mine,” Magnus’s hot breath ghosted over Alec’s ear. “All mine.”

                The shadowhunter felt his knees began to buckle as his legs liquified beneath Magnus’ words. He’d never seen Magnus like this before. So possessive, so territorial, so animalistic, so…jealous.

                “Yes,” Alec knew that if it weren’t for Magnus’ body pressing against his, and the wall behind him, that he would have already slid to the floor. He moved his arms to clutch at Magnus’ back as he buried his nose in the nape of his boyfriend’s neck. A shudder ran down his spine as he felt Magnus pull him away from the wall. Two strong, Carmel hands slid down the shadowhunter’s back and over his round ass. The blue-eyed male let out an undignified squeal as those hands cupped his cheeks and hauled him up, encouraging him to wrap his legs around the other man’s waist.

                Long strides carried the pair towards the back of the loft and into the master bedroom. Alec caught sight of the chairman peering at them from within Magnus’ study as they made their way down the hall. The cat’s unconcerned gaze followed them, his tail twitching and his back arching as he stretched. Just before Magnus shut the door to their bedroom behind them, Alec saw the cat yawn and he could have sworn the feline shook it’s head at them before it hopped off Magnus’ desk and scampered down the hall, back towards the living room.   

                A yelp flew from Alec’s mouth as he was unceremoniously dropped onto the silk covers of his and Magnus’ bed. He leaned up on his elbows to give a mock glare to the man who’d roughly deposited him there, but the fake look melted away into widened eyes and a dry mouth as he took in the sight of his boyfriend, standing at the end of their bed.

                Magnus had his legs spread, his feet firmly planted, and his hands on his hips. His cat eyes were narrowed as he stared at Alec like he was a disobedient child. Alec swallowed harshly beneath that stare, wondering what he’d done to anger his boyfriend.

                “Magnus…,”Alec tried to ask for an explanation, to apologize, to say anything that would wipe that look off his lover’s face, but he was stopped by the Warlock putting up a hand.

                “Alexander, please,” Magnus began and shook his head as he shifted his position. One of his hands came to hug his side as the other’s elbow rested atop it. The fingers of the hand that wasn’t touching the green fabric of his shirt, covered his mouth in contemplation. “Whatever am I going to do with you. I don’t even know where to begin. I have half a mind to ravish you right now and to save all questions for later, but then there you are, stretched out on our bed in those clothes that you never wear, with a bed head that I’m sure came out of a bottle, and kohl around your baby blues. Do you have any idea how you look right now?”

                “I was aiming for pretty…did I…did I not reach that?” Alec stuttered. Izzy had assured him that he’d looked wonderful before he’d left this very room to look for Magnus, nearly a half hour ago. Had she lied to him? Did he not look as good as he thought? But then there was what Dominic, the vampire had said. Surly he wouldn’t have made such a fuss over Alec if the shadowhunter hadn’t looked at least a little bit appealing, but then -if he did look as good as he’d hoped to -why was Magnus so mad?

                “You silly, Nephilim,” Magnus’ chuckle shook his shoulders. “You did far more than reach it. You surpassed it. You look like hell incarnated. Like a fallen angel. So beautiful, so enticing, and so deadly. What I want to know,” the Warlock moved forward, climbing onto the bed and crawling over Alec, forcing the Shadowhunter to slide down on his elbows so he was lying flat against the silk beneath him, “is why you look this way.”

                Alec swallowed as Magnus straddled him. The warlock’s lips were hovering over his own and it took Alec a minute to realize that the other man was expecting an explanation.

                “I…,”Alec swallowed again, trying to get some moisture into his mouth. “I thought…I wanted to…”

                “Yes?” Magnus prompted, his hands now flat against the bedspread on either side of Alec’s head, caging the shadowhunter in.

                “I wanted to look like I belonged by your side.”

                Cat eyes blinked and ever so slowly did Magnus sit up, allowing his weight to rest on Alec’s thighs. There was a brief moment of silence as a small frown twisted the warlock’s mouth before he was locking eyes with his lover and asking, “Why would you think that you didn’t? Have I given you any indication that I was displeased with you? If I have, then I owe you an apology.”

                “What? No,” Alec was sitting up so he came almost nose to nose with Magnus. “It wasn’t you. Dominic, and others at the party, they…they said that you were wasting your time with me. That I was too plain to be connected to you. They said I was plain even for a shadowhunter. That if I was going to be in your presence I should at least try to fit in to your lifestyle.”

                Alec paused to see if Magnus had anything to say, but when the warlock didn’t open his mouth, he continued.

                “Magnus, I know I could never be as glamourous as you and I know that I’m a shadow in your glittery, colorful life, but I want to be a part of your lifestyle. I want people to look at us and say that I belong with you. I want to be able to stand by your side at a party and know that I won’t fade into the background and be shoved out of the way by the flamboyant party goers that constantly lurk around the apartment. I…I…I just…I just want to be good enough, pretty enough, for you.”

                Magnus’s eyes had softened considerably, not that Alec could see them for he’d hung his head and was staring intently at Magnus’ belt. A pair of long, caramel fingers clasped the shadowhunter’s chin and gently tilted his face up so his blue eyes, so full of shame and hurt, met the golden green pools of his lover’s.

                Alec felt shock hit him like lightening traveling down his spine. Magnus’s eyes looked so sad. There was no longer any anger present, just a sorrow that Alec ached to get rid of.

                “Magnus,” Alec reached up to cup the warlock’s face with both his hands.

                “Alec,” Magnus’s own hands grasped Alec’s wrists and gently pulled the shadowhunter’s hands away from his face. “My Alec.” Their foreheads met and Magnus closed his eyes. Alec allowed himself to do the same as he hummed when his boyfriend began to rub soothing circles on his back. “I thought you were past such thoughts. How could I not have seen what their words were doing to you?”

                “Mags, it’s okay. They didn’t say anything I didn’t already know. I just needed the extra push to transform myself. I promise that this,” Alec gestured to himself, “will become and everyday occurrence. I’ll learn how to do my makeup and I’ll try my hardest to not screw up any outfits, though I might have to ask Izzy to help me pair up a week’s worth of them at first so I get an idea of what I’m doing.”

                “Alexander, no,” Magnus shook his head and huffed. “That’s not what I want. Yes, I buy you clothes that I think you’d look good in, but I never want you to wear them if you don’t want to. I love you for who you are. That includes your faded sweaters and worn down jeans. I want you to forget everything those rancid guests said about you. Words coming from shallow mouths mean nothing.”

                “But, I…”

                “Shhh,” a finger was placed against Alec’s lips. “You are a Dimond, darling. Whether other people see it or not. And I don’t want you to change. You look amazing right now, but you look even more amazing when you’re just being you. All the glitter and glamour you speak of, it’s the shadow, not you. You are the brightest point in my life. You are the star that outshines all others. Those party guests are nothing more than a pile of rubble compared to you.”

                “Mags,” Alec chocked out.

                “Shhh,” once again the shadowhunter found himself being hushed. “Let me show you how precious you are. Let me worship you and wipe away the stains others have left on your mind. My precious, Alexander.”

                Magnus tilted Alec back onto the bed, so he was once again lying beneath the warlock. Soft lips trailed down his neck, this time kissing the pale skin there gently.

                “When Dominic remarked that he wanted you, I’ve never been so jealous in my life,” Magnus whispered against a dark rune on his neck. “You are the most valuable person in my life. You have become my reason for existence and the thought of him, or anyone else, having you made me act like an animal.”

                Magnus dropped a chaste kiss on Alec’s lips. “For that, I am sorry.”

                “Don’t be,” Alec breathed out, his voice coming out breathy and ragged. “It was kind of thrilling, even though I thought you were mad at me.”

                “I wasn’t mad at you. I was mad at him for daring to touch you.”

                “Still,” the shadowhunter cut himself off with a gasp as Magnus’ skilled tongue danced around his left ear. “I kind of like it. I’ve never…ahhh, Mags…I’ve never seen you like that before. It was kind of…hot.”

                “Yeah?” Magnus smirked into the skin beneath Alec’s ear. “Perhaps we’ll have to explore your desire for my dark side later. It could be fun to tie you up and have my way with you. Have you on your knees, begging for me.”

                Alec groaned as an image of himself, on his knees in front of Magnus and begging for the Warlock, flashed across his mind. He wet his lips as he thought about how good a rough, territorial Magnus could be. Would he tie him up like he said? Gag him? Deep throat him until his blue eyes watered? Would he growl dirty things into his ear and leave finger shaped bruises on his hips? Would he make Alec into an overstimulated, sobbing mess that lay on cum covered sheets and begged for more?

                A chuckle pulled Alec from his thoughts and he realized Magnus was trailing a hand down his chest, his fingers catching and playing with the hem of his shirt. When his jacket had disappeared, Alec didn’t know.

                “Having good thoughts?” Magnus teased. “I promise, we’ll experiment some other time. Tonight, though, let me pamper you. Let me worship you. Let me show you how valuable and loved you are.”

                Magnus removed Alec’s clothes slowly, unlike he usually did. After the first couple of times they’d had sex the warlock had taken to snapping their clothes away. It’d felt like it’d been a long time since Magnus had taken his sweet time disrobing his boyfriend and he wondered why he’d ever stopped doing so as Alec’s breath caught and whimpered with every scrape of his nails against his boyfriend’s rune covered skin.

                With Alec’s shirt tossed to the side, his socks and boots removed and kicked off the bed, Magnus traced the button holding the blue-eyed man’s pants closed. Abandoning the button for a second, he reached up and unclasped the necklace around Alec’s neck and carefully placed it on their nightstand. It had been, after all, a gift from Magnus to him after a rather nasty fight they’d thought for sure would end their relationship. The necklace deserved more respect than the clothes did.

                “Mag-ugh-nus,” Alec groaned out as he bucked his hips up into his boyfriends. His cock had become painfully hard under Magnus’ ministrations and it made his already too tight pants feel even tighter. His eyes rolled back into his head when his cloth covered rejection brushed the bulge in his boyfriend’s purple jeans.

                “Shhh, hush baby. I’ve got you,” Magnus cooed as he popped the button his shadowhunter’s jeans open and slowly slid the zipper down. The little noise that Alec made when Magnus pulled his jeans off and the tight pressure was removed from his aching cock, was music to the warlock’s ears.

                Magnus didn’t immediately remove his boyfriend’s underwear. Instead, he lazily ran a hand over the heavy, hot budge hidden beneath the black fabric.  Alec threw an arm over his eyes as his mouth opened in a soundless moan as the other man’s painted nails skimmed over his covered cock. the nails were replaced by a hand, firmly grasping and rubbing Alec’s erection through his underwear.

                “F-fuck,” Alec cursed. “Stop teasing.”

                Magnus chuckled. “You think this is teasing? Darling, I haven’t even begun to tease you yet.”

                “Magnus, come on,” Alec nearly begged. “It’s been so long since we’ve done this. I’ve been so pent up.”

                “It’s been almost a month,” Magnus admitted quietly. “I’ve spent many nights waiting for you to come back from the institute so I wouldn’t have to take care of myself, only to pass out before you got here. Jerking myself off doesn’t even satisfy me anymore. Not since you came into the picture. Tell me, Alexander, have you taken care of yourself as well over the course of this last month? Have you laid awake, stroking yourself to the thoughts of what I would do to, or what you would do to me, if I had been there?”

                Once again Alec felt heat feel his face as he admitted, “Yes. God yes. It’s never enough. I’m always left wanting. Wanting you. Even after I get off.”

                “Mmmm, me too, darling.”

                Caramel fingers slipped inside the waistband of Alec’s underwear and tugged them off the Sahdowhunter’s hips. They too, like the rest of Alec’s clothing, were tossed to the side. Almost instantly after the fabric was gone, Magnus was nuzzling Alec’s cock with his nose. He ran the tip of his nose over the long, but thin member. One of his hands held the heavy shaft steady as his other moved to gently massage the pair of testicles laying below.

                Alec full out groaned and moved his hands to magnus’ head. His fingers threaded themselves through the dark strands as he closed his eyes. It really had been awhile and he already felt so close to completion. Yet, Magnus had barely even begun.

                A tongue licked a wet stripe up Alec’s shaft and he found his back aching as a low moan escaped him. Hot breath blew over the tip of his cock, the tongue swiped across the head before wrapping around it and licking from head to base.

                “Magnus,” Alec sobbed when Magnus slipped his lips over the head of his cock and begun to lightly suck. He heard the snap of fingers and a bottle of lube appeared on the bed, beside Alec’s head. He turned his blue gaze to look at it just as his boyfriend begun to sink his mouth down his member and Alec’s vocabulary was reduced to curses.

                “Fuck! Oh, fuck. Fucking hell. Mag-ahhh-mag-uh-nussssss, fuck.”

                The chuckle magnus gave vibrated Alec’s cock and caused him to tighten his grip I the warlocks’ hair. His head thrashed from side to side as he tried to fight off the heat building inside him.

                “Magnus, stop. You have to stop, ahhh so good, please stop.” Alec mumbled.

                “You’re sending me mixed signals,” Magnus pulled off Alec’s cock, but still held the precum leaking organ in his hand.  There was a twinkle of mischief in his cat eyes when he asked, “Is it so good, or do you want me to stop?”

                “Both,” Alec laughed as he gazed down at his beloved. “It’s so good, but if you don’t stop then I’m going to cum.”

                “Maybe I want you too.”

                “Maybe I want to wait until you’re inside me.”

                “Maybe I doubt you can.”

                “Is that a challenge?” Alec raised an eyebrow.

                “Oh, very much so,” Magnus grinned. “I bet you can’t wait until I’m inside you. Keeping in mind, that I haven’t even prepared you yet at you’re already about to lose it.”

                Alec snorted. “Challenge accepted.”

                “You sure?”

                Alec gave a curt nod and a smug smile. “Bring it.”

                “Brave words coming from someone who just asked me to stop because it felt so good.”

                “Fuck you,” Alec was smiling through the words.

                “Nah, darling, maybe later. Tonight, I’ll be the one fucking you,” and without warning Magnus’ mouth was once again around Alec’s member and his head was bobbing up and down, and Alec’s fingers were grasping his boyfriend’s hair tightly as he sobbed for more.

                With his eyes screwed shut, Alec missed Magnus grabbing the bottle of lube from beside his head, but he didn’t miss the sound of its cap popping open. Alec opened his eyes  just  in time to see Magnus coating three of his fingers in lube.

                “Ready blue eyes?” was the only warning Magnus gave before he circled a finger around Alec’s entrance. His hand that was not splattered with lube was gently stroking Alec’s cock as he pushed the tip of his finger into Alec’s hole.

                “Wow,” Magnus groaned at the same time Alec did when he’d gotten the first finger into Alec. “Fuck, you’re tight. I thought you said you masturbated.”

                Alec blushed again and covered his face with his hands. “I did, but I…you know I’m not comfortable with fingering myself yet. I tried a couple times but…I just can’t do it like you do. It doesn’t feel as good when I try it.”

                “We’ll have to work on that, Darling. You’re almost as tight you were that first night,” Magnus stated as he pressed a second finger in and the man beneath him winced. “Relax, darling. Deep breaths.”

                Alec followed Magnus’ instructions and tried to relax as the two digits thrusted in and out of him. After a few moments they were sliding in with ease and he felt a third press against his ring of muscles. Teeth bothered his lower lip, causing beads of blood to form, as the third finger joined its kin.

                “Fuck, Alec. You have to loosen up. I can barely get it in,” Magnus stated when Alec’s walls clamped down around his fingers.

                “Just give me a second,” Alec ground out and focused on his breathing. He really should have touched himself down there more over the past month. It was like he was a virgin again and this pain was something he could have lived without reliving.

                After a couple of seconds ticked by, Alec’s muscles relaxed and Magnus could continue prepping him. He twisted his fingers inside the tight hole and spread them to further stretch his boyfriend’s passageway. When he angled his hand down and twisted it in just the right way, he hit the spot inside Alec that he had memorized and Alec let out the most delicious moan he’d ever heard.

                “Magggggnussssss,” the shadowhunter moaned his lover’s name. “Yes! There! Do it again!” and when Magnus did, “Don’t stop! Don’t ever fucking stop!”

                “I don’t plan to. I’d happily spend the rest of eternity making love to you, Alexander,” Magnus cooed as he upped the pace of his figners before suddenly pulling them out of his lover’s body.

                Alec gave a disappointed groan as the figners were removed from him, but he felt salive pool in his mouth when Magnus once again grabed the bottle of lube and put a generous amount into the palm of his hand. Snapping  the lid of the bottle shut, Magnus carelessly tossed the bottle over his shoulder and began to rub the lube in his hand over his own dark cock, which Alec just noticed was as bare as his own.

                “Your clothes…”Alec began but was interrupted by Magnus’ shrug.

                “I got impatient,” Magnus stated as he guided the tip of his cock to Alec’s entrance. “Ready, darling?”

                “For you? Always,” Alec breathed and then was arching his back as the head of his lover’s cock slid inside his entrance.

                Even with Alec being tight from a month of almost no penetration, Magnus and him had done this part enough times in the past that Alec knew how to steady his breathing as Magnus continued to fill him. Not once did the warlock have to pause for his shadow hunter to adjust until he bottomed out his hips were pressed flat against Alec’s ass.

Alec’s legs had bent on their own accord, allowing Magnus complete access to him and as Magnus was finally fully inside him, he squeezed his thighs against his lover’s hips. A wanton moan tumbled from his parted lips as he gazed at his lover with half-lidded eyes. One of his hands reached up to rest on the side of Magnus’ face and the warlock turned to kiss the palm of his hand.

Magnus’ breathing was ragged, strained as he fought the urge to just take beautiful creature below him. His hips stuttered slightly as he tried to give the shadowhunter’s body time to reacquaint itself with the girth of his member. Alec, however, seemed unable to wait as he slid his hands down his boyfriend’s tanned back, drawing a shudder from him, and pressed the other man’s ass closer to his body.

“Magnus,” Alec’s gaze was dark with lust as Magnus found the cavern of his mouth to be as dry as the Sahara Desert. “Take me.”

No more prompting was needed and Magnus pulled out slowly only to thrust right back in. Both he and his lover moaning as his length slid home.

 “Mmmm, so good,” Alec moaned as Magnus rocked into him.

The warlock kept his thrusts shallow and slow, wanting to draw the moment out as long as he could, for he didn’t know when the next time was that they’d get to be together. Alec having had time to come to the party at all had been a miracle, what was happening now was nothing short of a gift from the angels, and he didn’t want to waste it. He didn’t want to look back on this moment a week…two weeks…even three weeks later and wish that he’d taken more time to savor the experience for he had been able to touch Alec since. They were both busy people and Alec was well on his way to possibly taking over the institute. The meetings his shadowhunter had to attend, as well as patrols, and training sessions, kept him busy and away from the loft for hours -sometimes days -at a time. Magnus wasn’t much better, however, for he’d been working for client after client recently. And they weren’t the cheap, easy clients where he could just snap his fingers and solve the problem either. His recent clients had been much more time consuming…much more draining. They required potions and spells that Magnus hadn’t had to do in a long time, which required Magnus to do more studying than he wanted to and to spend more hours holed up in his office when he really wanted to be cuddled up on the couch with Alec while watching reruns of Project Runway.

Magnus grabbed his lover’s hands and entertained their fingers, stretching their arms out above Alec’s head as he rested his nose against the base of Alec’s throat. He allowed his eyes to flutter shut as he listened to the sounds his shadowhunter made. The boy was singing like a bird for him. All those beautiful moans and groans, those whimpers and pleas for more, they were the most beautiful sound Magnus had ever heard. He could listen to them forever and never grow tired of hearing them.

“So close,” Alec breathed and Magnus slowed his thrusts even more, to the point where he was merely grinding against the man breath him.

Alec whimpered and bucked his hips, trying to get Magnus to speed up. Magnus, however, wasn’t having any of it, even though both of their bodies were now covered in a sheen of sweat the heat coming off them could have cooked an egg.

“Magnus, please,” Alec begged and Magnus locked gazes with those beautiful blue eyes. “Please. I’m so close. So close. Please. Please let me cum.”

“Oh, Darling,” Magnus released one of Alec’s hands to stroke the side of his face. “Tell me what you want. Tell me how to make you come undone.”

“You, uh, already know how. You know everything about me, ahhh, please. Please,” Alec’s words almost blended together as he mumbled them in pleasure. “Please, you know what I need.”

“Want to hear you say it.”

“Ahhh..mmmm….oh…”

“Come on, darling. Use your words.”

“Mag-ugh-nus….”

“Yes, darling?”

“F-fuck me harder.”

Magnus smirked against Alec’s lips. “As you wish my love.”

Alec cried out as Magnus’s hips began to piston into him at a pace that had the bed shaking, “Oh! Oh, yes! Yes! Fuck, I’m going to cum. I’m going to….Ahhhhhhhh! I’m cuming in!”

“Yes, cum for me, Alexander.”

“Magnus!” Alec screamed his lovers name as he shot his load. His back arched and stream after stream of pearling white liquid covered his and Magnus’ chests.

“Fuck,” Magnus groaned out as Alec’s walls tightened around him. He gave three more thrusts before he shoved himself completely into his lover’s body and moaned his name, “Alexander.”

Alec gave a soft, satisfied whimper as he felt liquid heat fill him up. When Magnus collapsed atop him, he reached up and smoothed a hand through his boyfriend’s hair. Neither of them said a word as they rode out the last waves of pleasure and basked in the afterglow of their orgasms. Magnus placed soft kisses on Alec’s neck and the shadowhunter ran a hand soothingly along his warlock’s spine.

After what could have been minutes, or hours, Alec wasn’t sure of how long it really was, Magnus rolled off his lover and entertained his fingers with Alec’s own.

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered and Alec turned his head to find Magnus looking at him. “You’re so beautiful, and I love you so much, don’t ever forget that.”

“Magnus,” Alec shifted so he could lay his head atop his boyfriend’s chest and snuggle into his warmth. “You’re the most amazing man ever and I love you so much, don’t you ever forget that either.”

And together, as if they were one soul, the duo fell into an easy sleep where they dreamt of days spent together.  


End file.
